Rehabilitating the Control Freak

"He doesn't seem to have good control of his blood sugars." or "When will he be under control?" or "His numbers are all over the place." are just some of the comments I have heard about Deacon’s numbers since he was diagnosed.
            Control is a word that is verboten in the vocabulary of Type 1 diabetics. There is no control and there are no "shoulds" when it comes to Type 1 diabetes. That was something I was going to learn very fast. If anything I learned that diabetes was the one in control. Diabetes may allow you to think that you are in the driver’s seat but it will remind you at least once a week that you are just a backseat driver.
            Before Deacon was diagnosed, I was a closet control freak. I wanted everything to be perfect. The kids were to be dressed nicely. Our home was to look clean for visitors. The kids were to be well behaved while out in public. Not only did I want things perfect, I wanted things planned. I was a serious planner. I hated surprises and schedule changes. I liked to know what was coming around the bend. Diabetes has changed how I have approached life.
            I am often prepared to drop everything to go take care of Deacon.  I tend to fit into diabetes’ schedule far more than having it fit into mine. After all, diabetes isn't going to stop causing lows and sites will not stop being pulled out just because I have an exam. I did fit diabetes into our meal time schedule but it seems to be about the only thing I could fit diabetes into. I carry a cell phone with me that only those who care for Deacon know the number to. I let the school nurses know when I will not be available that way they can call one of my back-up people. I even made it possible to be more flexible with my time by taking online courses these past two semesters.
            I am still a planner but I am more understanding about changes to the schedule. I have learned that a house can look cluttered and slightly messy because of being too tired to clean properly. Instead of a “once a month” house scrubbing, I do a 3x a year deep cleaning of the house and closets. I still like the kids to look their best but I am not a basket case when Sebastian walks out of the house with holes in the knees on the weekends when we are running errands. I have learned to accept that not everything I want will get done and I may have to find a different time to get it done. . I have learned to try not to plan ahead and to focus on the upcoming day or upcoming few days.  I have become a more flexible, less frazzled mom since diabetes has taught me some important life lessons about unexpected interruptions and I am enjoying life more that way too.