Ipro 2011

            I am scared. Deacon is having this year’s IPro study done and I am being very honest when I say that I am scared of the results. I look forward to seeing the A1c results every 4 months but this blind CGMS study is tying me into a bundle of nerves.

            My voice of reason reminds me that this study will help with the trends that are already confounding me and the ones hidden from view. After all, last year’s Ipro study was very rewarding in what it showed and how it helped. It is fun to see what is going on behind the scenes as it were.

            But last year’s IPro study also showed me every parents of a child with diabetes worst fear. Deacon was dropping at night and he was having rebounds. The IPro caught two different rebounds. (I had known about the lows but when I was treating those lows his body had already kicked in the rebounds.) In some ways it was very satisfying to have proof of the pattern I had been telling the endo about for two years. I had been telling her Deacon rises from 8 p.m. until midnight and then he will drop. That rise is the main reason why I still do not give him anything to eat after dinner time. The endo has since stopped telling me that there will come a time that I can sleep through the night since she saw that trend firsthand.

            For me though, I couldn’t sleep for fear of losing Deacon to a low at night for two weeks. I slept fitfully in between alarms because the endo and I were changing settings at night. I kept listening to Deacon’s breathing for his signs that he was going low. I watched him at night like a new mother staring in awe at her new baby; only I was gripped by fear not awe. The fear slowly abated as Deacon became steadier overnight though.

            But now I feel that trepidation again of what this study will show. Has Deacon gotten to be less wild now that he is another year older? Are there still hidden lows while I do my best to get my sleep at night? How many weeks after this test will I be awake every 3 hours to test?

            As we get closer to the end of this study, I do my best to keep my thoughts light-hearted. After all, it is not always that I get to see what is really happening with Deacon’s numbers. My endo and I work well together at bringing our heads together to come up with new calibrations, and it is fun to talk with her. If what his meter is telling me is right then he is more level than last year, and wouldn’t that be a nice graph to see? If it is less peaky than last year’s, then I am going to put it in my personal drawer to take out the next time Deacon’s numbers are being wonky to remind me that,  “Yes there are times he really is fine and this too shall pass again.”